I dedicate this site to the memory of my stepdaughter, Heather, who was murdered on Thanksgiving 2017. I want to chronicle some of the events and spiritual insights that happened. It is my hope that this may help some other souls who stumble upon this site. Maybe some good can come off this after all (read more here).  ~ May 2018

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Every Moment holds the seed of perfection or tragedy, good or evil, depending on how you cast it

On enlightenment and the role of the ego

8/20/2019 6:10 PM

Sitting outside, gray skies. A neighbor runs the lawnmower.  Typically I would move somewhere else to avoid the noise, but this time I tune into the hum of the machine...  I die to my thoughts. This started an interesting and unexpected dialogue about perfection and tragedy, good and evil.

Can this [noise] be a Gate of Truth as well?

The Club: Of course it can, anything can be an access, if you let it, and don’t see it as a disturbance but just as it is.  Seeing it as a disturbance is just the conditioning.  Seeing beauty vs. ugliness, relaxation vs. chaos, so much is just set by the 3D mind as it was conditioned.   If you just let just things be as they are [mower starts up again], unjudged, then it all just is.  Let it flow.

[Sitting, listening, being, noticing … ]

It’s just an everyday, every-moment “moment.” Nothing about it is, as I would say, exceptionally pretty, just the neighbors going about their business on a gray summer day, yet if I sit back and just let it be, just notice without judging, there is something sublime about it.

As there is in every moment.  Just sit and notice.

I love it when the gentle breeze moves the blades of the grass ever so gently.  Even the hum of the mower does not disturb.  The car rushing by adds to it.

What more would you want?  Every moment carries within itself a seed of perfection.

Well, every moment like this. ‘Cause I sat down relaxing.  What about the dark moments?  Like when we found out that Heather was shot?  There was nothing perfect about that!

Of  course not, we understand.

[nothing comes through now.  Thinking… ]

You are being cerebral. Let it flow.

I don’t know how.

Let us lead you. Thinking of that moment broke the flow, understandably.  But even such moments carry the seed of perfection. That may be hard to understand.
But a seed needs a fertile ground to blossom in.  And in those moments your mind was anything but receptive.
When we say “seed” it means potential.

How can such a moment be perfect?

Well, for YOU it was not, of course.  But the total situation, that included all else at this moment, not just you but all that is, was perfection. Nothing was missing.
People die every second, thousands of them. That is part of life. So in a given moment, and that word does need definition, life is created and disappears.
Heather’s death, seen from that perspective, WAS part of that moment.  You will die as well, and that will be part of that moment. Just as was your birth once.
But on the grand scale, it is as it is supposed to be.  It just is.  
So for you, your experience of that moment was tragic for YOU. And B. [my wife], of course.  Yet for others around the word that same moment was just fine.  The same when you hear today about a death in the news, it is often just a blip on the screen of consciousness. But when death hit hard like that, in that moment, so close to you, it has a completely different meaning.

[ Then something subtle happened:  I go to take a sip of water from my cup next to me.  There is a dead little insect, about the size of a mosquito, in the water.  It must have flown in and drowned ]

And there is your lesson:  while you were sitting here, earlier, seeing that moment as perfect, that little fly drowned in the water. Now, you may say, it’s just an insignificant life, but nonetheless a being lost its life right then next to you, in that same moment that you at the time judged as prefect.
So you see, any moment really just is.  It has the seed of perfection, it has the seed of tragedy.

But here is the key: it takes some consciousness to judge it as such, to bring our that sense of perfection or tragedy.

You know, all that is going in a direction as far as a discussion that I had on the radar screen (but not what I wanted to talk about today):  the role of good vs. evil in general.

And you are getting the answer in many ways, aren’t you?

Sure are. By chance, or so you think, after I had written down the question as a topic for discussion a few days ago, I then started rereading [after some twenty years]  Hesse’s “Demian,” which is much about that.*  Abraxas.

*[I had written up the question on 8/14. I started rereading Demian on 8/17, by chance.  Today  on 8/20 we have this talk ].

Oh, well let’s then leave it for another day.  But you always knew this, the short answer is, as stated by your poets, there is nothing inherently good or evil but thinking makes it so.*
*[Shakespeare, Hamlet: “For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”]

I struggle with that thought in light of Heather’s murder. Was that not an evil act?

You’re not quite ready to talk about it, if you ever will be, as you are very emotionally involved.  Just remember, the act itself was “just” an act.  The question behind it was the intention of the murderer.

So aren’t some intentions “evil” ?

If one casts them so, yes.

“If one casts them so” …  ?

Yes, that implies one can always cast it differently. In the case of this particular death, you know that J. was in a very dark place.  The distinction between good and evil had seized to exist for him, this was not a “conscious deliberate act.”

B. seems to think so.

What do you think?

I don’t know. I was not there.  Were you?

We were all in that moment.

Not any help, you are being evasive. But OK, I have my own theory of what happened.

And you were right.

Now I know I/you are making this up.

But you know J. was in a dark space.  Very dark.


Brooding. Suicidal. Darkness.

And Heather walked in at the wrong time.

Absolutely. Good vs evil had lost all its meaning for him. There was only darkness.

[ Then my wife comes out an talks to me.  I end it here, don’t feel comfortable going on.
The mower again, church bells in the distance ringing in 7PM. I let it sink in again, still my thoughts, widen the mind, and there it is again: a perfect moment with nothing missing.  Once the conditioning drops, and you die to your thoughts, what is left is Being:  perfection ]

Namaste — I bow to you and the Divine in you.

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