We are so much more than this body: Falling asleep last night, my ego melted away and there was an intense experience of oneness, of being all-encompassing pure white light, being and bliss.
As I went to sleep last night, there was an intense experience of oneness: ,the ego melted away, and there was an experience of being all-encompassing pure white light, being and bliss.
Again, it shows that we are so much more than this body. This experience was second only to what happened some twenty years ago, yet different. Back then, there still was a structure, a holographic structure; this time, there was only pure whiteness, pure being, pure bliss.
The experience happened around 1:10 a.m, and by 1:19 I got up to write down the experience while it was still fresh in the mind. In what follows, I present the account, and below that my commentary about it as I wrote it down the next following morning, which include various thoughts that came up during the night as I laid there thinking about it.
7/2/2019 ~1:10 or 1:15 a.m ? ( I got up at 1:19 to write this)
It just happened: I experienced “oneness.” Only it was not like back then, like the net of Indra, it was pure whiteness. Pure being. Pure light. Nothing but pure, pure white light. Brilliant, all encompassing, bliss, oneness.
Wow. Thank you!
It was a dream, or a state of semi-consciousness.
I was “dreaming” of lying there, in my piano teacher’s [or music teacher’s] office, laying there and thinking about the connections of it all, how it all connects. And I was thinking of layers, of how it all connects, something like this:
\/ \/ \/
… something like that.
And then it just happened. Somehow it all turned white. Featureless white. Brilliant. Pure bliss.
And I was screaming in bliss.
Screaming in bliss – in the “DREAM” I did not know what to do.
“I” was still there, somehow, only as everything, all whiteness, all being, all wonderful.
And it was not very long, or an eternity, I could not tell, but people, my teacher, came running to check on me, to see why I was screaming and they touched me and I came out of it.
And then I awoke from this dream or other consciousness. Only, I say “dream,” but I don’t think it was a true dream, more like an altered state before falling asleep.
So I just laid there, still in bliss, awakening, and I felt this swaying, like my body swayed left and right, very, very gently.
Pure bliss, still.
I mean, it was SO intense, so intense.
Like there was NOTHING else, but just this whiteness, which nonetheless was experienced. I don’t want to say “by me,” again, because there was no more me, or time, but simply nothingness or everything-ness, simply ALL white, all bliss, all being. Total wholeness of being, total awakenment [?word?], total all-ness.
It was wonderful beyond description. I’m still sliding [?word?]
you, thank, thank, thank, thank you.
( Later that morning, around: 8:45a.m., I wrote down my thoughts about the experience, many of which had come to me as I laid in bed last night thinking about what just had happened: )
So I want to write down some of the things that lead up to this experience. Because, again, this was not like I was meditating, but it just happened, “it befell” me, like by chance ( “to befall” is the literal meaning of chance).
First, I find it strange that I finished “The Glass Bead Game” just this evening (it ends abruptly with the death of Josef Knecht). And when I first bought the book, I had another very strong experience when I talked with B. – as if seeing all time merge. (See: "You are Divine: On Divineness, being Divine, being the Light, a Star that Shines"). So these are sort of two bookends.
Now, I am also reading Dave’s book on chance in physics (“Causality and chance in modern Physics,” David Bohm), how there are necessities and contingencies. Really, it is only how you isolate an incident in some context, otherwise all is connected. So actually, just before sleep, when still reading, I asked Dave “would you work with in my sleep” to show chance and contingencies, and I got “yes.” Right after that, I felt tired immediately, and put the books away.
[…. B …. ] As I fell asleep or was laying there I was thinking about chance and contingencies. And I looked out the window and saw two stars exactly aligned vertically, and I mean exactly! Vertically! And I thought “what is the the chance of that happening?”
And then I fell asleep? Or just laid there? And around 1:10 or 1:15 I had this experience (as described above).
Was I dreaming? I cannot say. Semi asleep? I mean, it was like a dream content in that I knew I was laying there in my music teacher’s office (I have not had a music teacher in 40 years, but the Glass Bead Game deals with this), but I was clearly thinking about how it all connects, working on this issue of chance.
So I don’t know if it was a dream, or a lucid dream (I’ve had a few), or an altered state.
But I seem to remember clearly, shortly before it happened, to see the connections in that diagram (as shown above), but at the bottom of it, there was a little hook, a little dangle.
Thinking about it afterwards, maybe I short-circuited a connection. Like feeding back in the net of indra experience.
Because I want to distinguish this experience from that one. When I experienced the net, or the net experienced me, there was a definite structure to it. Call it a holographic structure, where there were still “things” but all was one “holographically.” The part contained the whole and vice versa.
In this experience, it simply all was one, pure whiteness, without another, pure being.
And it occurred to me, if you now feed back a connection (in Indra's net), and then create a loop, and light up one node, just a single node, it fill flow into everything, and light it all up as one big all encompassing light. So there then is this loop effect ( like I imaged building the net, I never wrote it up, but if one point lights up, they will all light up).
The other thing I then thought about was how this felt. Like there was nothing else. And I imagined what it may have been like “before” the big bang. Of course, “before” implies time (and time started with the big bang, supposedly). But the idea was that all was one. And then I got up and walked outside, and looked up at the sky, the summer sky, filled with stars, so many stars, and how they all maybe, if you believe in the big bang, were once one. And that is how it would have felt like (like that experience, if there was anything “to feel” ), before it all split, not just into the starts, but into all the things.
And how, maybe, if you “were” a particle of light (photon), then time also stopped, too (as you move at the speed of light), so from the particle’s “point of view” there is only itself, that is pure white light. And how that is all so similar to this feeling.
So again, you have the all, the whole ( “before” the big bang) and the part (the photon).
But that was just my logical mind trying to explain it.
I also want to talk about why I did not stay in the experience a bit longer. I mean, this was not a blip by any means, I don’t know exactly, it felt like it may have been seconds, or minutes, or an eternity. But as it happened, and as it went on, the “I” came back again and “I” just got startled. I had read of similar accounts before, but never experienced it, so it was somewhat bewildering, and even though it was so blissful, after some time "I" was somehow wondering if I would stay in this forever, or somehow, or how to come out of it? And that is probably why the mind conjured “in that dream” these outside people to awaken me. That was the way to come out of it...
So in a way, again deep in feeling great bliss, it was also “what is happening?” and once that thought came it was also a bit scary and that started the process of coming out of it. (Added later: I now realize, too, that what was scary was so only to the ego, because the ego was basically gone at that moment).
What I did feel after I came out of it, and “awakened,” though, was this very subtle swaying motion. As if my body, or being, swayed, and as I more and more awakened, this diminished.
At that time, a few minutes after, it was 1:19 a.m., I got up to write the account ( as shown above).
Now, the swaying motion reminded me of how Gopi Krishna expressed his Kundalini-rising experience, and that night I went and pulled that book and read that section, and yes, it was all very similar. So you might say, maybe I had a Kundalini experience? I can't say.
I also remember reading how sometimes meditation-practitioners have a similar experience of seeing white light, and just now a few minutes ago before writing this I pulled up on the internet accounts of it, and yes, they also are very similar. Only, most lack the intensity, this absolute intensity of merging with it all. For it was not like my body became “filled” with light, or I saw mere flickering of light, there was no more body, only light, pureness, oneness.
So again, just like 20 years ago, somehow, I had set up some conditions that facilitate this. “Condition” means “a talking together.” Somehow the contingencies were set up until “by chance” this happened. “Chance” means “to befall”. It befell…. who? me? Only, there was no more me. “it ALL befell.”
I am deeply grateful. (9:20 a.m.)
Finally, after finishing the write-up around 9:20 a.m., I also had a little dialogue with my inner guidance, which I will add to complete this:
H: So, esteemed members of my Club, is anybody there? I need guidance.
V: You are doing find on your own. Meaning, your write-up above was good.
H: But this was a big thing. What does it mean?
V: It means what you make it to mean. It was another stage in your development. Just like the poem in the Glass Bead Game [“Stufen” (Stairs), or “Trascendence” ] , that signified it was time to change, of stages of development, of traversing a space, it means you have reached a stage where you were ready for it. Dave worked with you. It was/is another stage in understanding oneness, or wholeness.
H: So now what?
V: Just let it sink in. We will build on it. You are restless now. Let’s stop. [That was correct; work was beckoning]
Namaste — I and the Divine in me bow to You and the Divine in You.
Copyright © Hanns-Oskar Porr