I dedicate this site to the memory of my stepdaughter, Heather, who was murdered on Thanksgiving 2017. I want to chronicle some of the events and spiritual insights that happened. It is my hope that this may help some other souls who stumble upon this site. Maybe some good can come off this after all (read more here).  ~ May 2018

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Inner voices, Heather: On the great space of dying, inner dialogues and how to tune into an inner voice

4/11/2019 6 a.m.  (typed this up on 5/1/2019)

Six a.m.  And I wanted to sleep more. Yet here I am already, lying in bed, for AT LEAST an hour with my thoughts churning and getting further insights.   So I may as well turn the lights on and write it all down before I forget parts of it.

As I left off last night, Heather’s voice said* that she would work with me in my sleep, and I think that is what happened because I see further insights.

*[Note from 4/10/2019 ~11:15 p.m.  “Got Heather and Bohm.  Heather will work with me. Tonight.  Ready for more insight. “   Bohm’s note (posted on the bottom of this dialogue here) said in summary:  you don’t have to know the heavy math, we only need a trigger in you to have a basis to work with ]

I jot down the major parts, at least some:

  • The great space of dying (the great space of experiencing)
  • Conjuring has a focusing element in it.
  • The problem of getting all this insight, but not be able to write it all down so fast.
  • The great dialogue: it is all a dialogue, some thoughts my own, some others maybe, and thereby reality and >experiencing< gets woven.

And so, I’ll try to express it as an inner dialogue, just as I had it earlier, with my inner voices.

Added 5/1/2019:  and then Heather came through.  Was it my subconscious?  My "inner" Heather?  Am I making all this up? Or was there more to it?  Again, I cannot say. Except that some insights are given that are hard to explain. And this dialogue had a decidedly different feel to it, the voice sounded different. Judge for yourself.

Hanns (H):  OK, let’s start. Anybody?
Voice (V):  We are here, and help you to focs.

H: Who?
V: Heather. It’s me, Hanns, can you tell my voice?

H: So tired, still.
V:  And that’s a problem you will have to learn about.  
Remember last night?  
It was different.
You clearly had me.
I asked you to feel that state of consciousness at that time.
What did you call it?

H: “Jumpy.” It was not just like a stream, but it had a bit of anticipation in it, like skipping.  Giddily skipping.
Like a calmness, ready to receive, with, say, a quivering

V: And that is it.
Not too  relaxed.
Not too agitated.
But just about the right tension.
Can you see that?

H: Yes.  How do you get into that?
V: That is for you to learn.
Remember: if I tell you, you will not get it.
You have to experience it.

H: Is that the segue?
V: If you want it to be.

H: OK, let’s talk about the great space of dying.
V: OK, review.

H: So, I left off last night talking about (human) sacrifice. But it was not just one way to do this, or experience it, as the sacrifice.
There were many that were forced, but also those who went voluntarily.
Now, during the day I already had an insight.

V: Fill that in later.

[And now as I write it up, I can’t remember. Sigh]

H: OK, so it occurs to me that the same experience can have so many different emotional flavors.

V: The experience being…
H: Dying.  Death.

On one hand, you have fear, dread. Then jubilation. Other kinds of death carry depression. Or are a release [relief].

So there is a spectrum.


H: I lost the voice
V: No, you are just reviewing what you worked out in your sleep. Carry on.

H: So there is a spectrum, a multi-dimensional space of emotions that just is dealing with that one thing:  the moment of death.

[the following part was an inner voice – I really felt it come through, meaning to say, it had a different feel to it that my normal inner voices ]

V: Right, and we want to experience that whole spectrum.  Remember, that is one of the whole purposes of dying. What was part of my experience, you know?
To bring that experience to the world.

[Heather’s voice is becoming distinct]

You know?

H: That is what I got in the sleep.  That we, as soul’s want to experience every nuance of every moment there is – emotionally.
V: Remember the other side, too.

H: Right, not just my point of view when I am dying.  But also every point of view of the survivors.
V: I know. And I

[lost voice, review writing ]

H:  Heather, come back.
V: I am here, Hanns.


V: What happened is that when you talked about the survivors, your own experience interfered. You lost the connection, because your strong reaction to my death snapped the connection.

… work though!

[ some private thoughts about the relationship, often difficult, between her and me ]

… pull yourself back into the state of “giddy calmness.”


V: You got me again. Ready to continue?
H: I’ll try.
V: So the survivors. They also experience the same situation and bring their flavor to it.
Pull through now, Hanns, I know it is hard!

H: I am struggling [with this dialogue, and theme, of being a survivor of her murder]
V: But the struggle is part of it. It is part of the overall experience.

H: The overall spectrum of experience tied to every event?
V: Yes, every event in a person’s life has that, a possible spectrum, but at death you feel it the strongest.
For us here, it was just the moment of passing.
But while in the body, it burns brightly.

[pause, reviewing][lost voice]

H: So the other part I saw was that we live every possible death.
Are you there? Can you say something about that?

V: I told you all about it in your sleep.  All you have to do is review.

H: OK, I’ll try:
Because Being [the great Being] wants to experience all that is, we go through all possibilities in life.
And that includes all our deaths. Accidents, disease, old age, and… murder.  

V: Yes, murder.  It is a necessary experience.  Can you see that now?

H: I do, but I struggle.

V: From your perspective, the emotions are overwhelming.
From up here, it is part of the spectrum, and we want to, we must experience it.
That is why Seth and so on said things like every victim chooses it.
At a higher level.

H: It seems so wrong.
V: And that is the difference in viewpoint between where you are.
We miss the emotional aspects. but have the insights.
You have the emotional aspects, but lack the insights.
We weave a greater understanding.

H: Your voice is back.
V: Finally, you got me.

H: So to the dialogue.
V: Yes!

H: We always have an inner dialogue.
V: And it always seems just you, right?  Until you pick up, picked up, nuances.
Not all voices sound the same, right?

H: Yes, exactly. I did not realize it until the night of the funeral service, when you spoke to me.
V: Exactly. My voice had a much different quality.
Insights came faster.
Pull me back, now, Hanns.
Concentrate on the quality of the voice.

H: That is an access, right?
V: Yes. Yes it is. Maybe you call it simulating “my voice” but that is a way of accessing “me.”

H: Uf….

[lost it]

H: Let me pull you back.
V: All you have to do is to conjure my voice.  Not me, just my voice. The quality of my voice, you know?
And the rest will come naturally.

H: Wow.
V: You said it. It’s all so easy of you see it.

H: OK…. [bubbling with excitement, calming ]
V: You see, now, that state of mind comes up a bit.

H: So can we go back to the dialogue.
V/Heather: Of course.
You see you always have a dialogue. But the dialogue appears to be you.  And mostly is.
Put sometimes we step in.
It’s a different type of voice.
It’s like “we whisper in your ear.”
Add guidance, etc.

You never picked that up until that evening.

What Frank [DeMarco] does is similar.

The secret is to distinguish the quality of voice.
Very subtle. So you must really listen, until [?can’t read that word?], where you learn to generate it.
Conjure it. Woooh, woooh [ she is laughing, making that ghost sound ]

H/V together:  That is very helpful.

H/V together:  Ask Frank how he does it.

V: What you just went through is very important.  You can’t let the voice take over, merge with it.
You have to keep your voice distinct from it.
That is the difference between sanity and insanity.
The voices cannot take over.

H: So some people use it wrong?
V: Oh absolutely!
Remember, we can only speak though you. We don’t want to speak as you. I mean, take over.

H: Isn’t there something as [like] possessions?

V: I am here. Possessions are a different thing.  They can happen if the person cannot discriminate right. Just use your inner compass.

H: OK. Sighing.  [so much]
V: Take your time.

[Reviewing earlier parts ]

H: So conjuring has a focus element.
… Heather?

V: Yes, it has.

[ I get an internal sense.  
She can’t explain it as well as another voice.  She wants to pass to David.
David (D)  comes through, slowly, heavily.  I can’t focus.  I have not found the right access to his voice.

The gist was that the focus element is very important.  He, David, gave me that word last weekend to look up.  It is one of the missing pieces]

[Note added 5/1/2019: I since then reworked the post on conjuring and added focusing ]

D:  You know, Hanns. I can only build on past dialogue. I told you last night I will help guide you so you can see it.

[ and that was the end of it. It’s now 7a.m.  and I cannot focus anymore.  Sleeping a bit longer ]

Namaste — I bow to you and the Divine in you.

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