8/31, 9/1, 9/2/2019
Today I will talk about Heather’s star. This was one of the more significant events shortly after my stepdaughter’s murder, yet for some reason I have not been able to share it until now, whereas with other events I had no such concerns and wrote them up quickly, but now that I have it all out in front of me on paper, I understand the reason for this better; to me this is one of the most deeply touching events after her death, and it still strikes a chord in me, a painful chord, yet it is really full of hope if you allow yourself to see the message given, which is “I am still here, laugh with me.”
Heather was murdered on Thanksgiving 2017, and that was, as you can imagine, a very tragic moment for us. As stated in other places, shortly after her murder, several strange and often inexplicable events happened, some of which I have chronicled already in a series of articles which I call “Messages from the other side.”
The events I describe below can also be interpreted as a “message from the other side.” But they are also interesting because they may show an example of how “time” itself may indeed be different than how we conceive of it, in that events from the future can influence the past, or at the very least, send ripples backwards into the past.
With that being said, let me tell the story of Heather’s star.
A tiny, little red star foretells things to come
A couple of days after Heather’s murder in November 2017, we flew out to Florida to make final arrangements. It was clear to us that we did not want to have a traditional funeral for her because Heather was a very unconventional person, so we planned a “celebration of life event” in a beautiful park setting with all her friends there, comfortably relaxing on blankets or lawn chairs, sharing stories about her. We tried to make it an experience that Heather herself would have enjoyed.
This was to be a day we all through of her collectively and intensely, and the day we said our good-byes. Little did we know that it would be a day even more significant.
Now, in the next few days we brought several of Heather’s belongings to the hotel room. One of these items was a little red string or garland, the type you would use at birthday parties or a New Year’s Eve event, and it had all these little, glittering red stars on it. There was nothing special about it, Heather just happened to have it in her car when we cleaned it out, and none of us gave any special meaning to it.
So now it is the morning of Heather’s celebration of life, December 5th 2017, and I wake up first in our hotel room at maybe around 7 o'clock. As I get up, I look over at the dresser and there is this one, single little red star laying there, just a little red star that had come off that Garland. And I thought, oh I don’t know why, but there is something about this star. So I picked it up, and I took it with me into the bathroom, and while I was shaving and getting ready for the day, I had it right there on the bathroom sink, and I looked at it and it just seemed special, and I kind of like played with it, and moved it, caressed it, and I thought, “OK, there is something about this star!” It somehow just didn’t let me go, and it just grabbed me. When I was done, I took it with me and placed it on a special place on my nightstand so I knew where it was, and I thought, “OK, let’s just leave it at that… but there is something about this star!” Call it a premonition of things to come.
A celebration of life, The Little Prince and the Star
Now we all go to the celebration of life event in that beautiful lush park setting, it’s a brilliant and pleasant Florida December day, they really don’t come any nicer than this, it’s really one of those mild sunny Florida winter days that makes one want to move to Florida, people brought lawn chairs or blankets to sit on the grass, we had a poster board where people could pin pictures of Heather, and it is all very relaxed, exactly as we wanted it to be. A perfect day and way to say good-bye. The pastor says some opening words, and then I get up and give a little speech about Heather, set up the event, and invite people to get up as well and share. So various friends do get up and talk about Heather, sharing stories, and it's all very touching, and dignified, and oh so beautiful being out there in nature on that perfect sunny day – exactly as Heather would have wanted it to be.
Now one of Heather's friends gets up and as part of her talk she says “I really want to share this quote here from the book ‘The Little Prince,’ because it is so fitting; ” and then she reads, with quivering voice, a short section from the book about how the little prince leaves his friend, seemingly dies, and goes on to live on his star. I could not make out all of what she said, nor did I know that section in the book, but right then I knew: “Ahhh, here is the star!”, that here was the connection to what happened earlier that morning, and so I make a mental note to look up that quote later in the day.
The celebration of life continues, and it turns out as beautiful and fitting as we could have possibly imaged; I am forever thankful to everybody who came and partook in the event, it made it all very special.
By now it’s later in the afternoon, and we all get back to the hotel room. And I remember the star! So we look for that quote from “The Little Prince” and the star. I thought at first that it would be hard to find, but as soon we google “The Little Prince” and “star” it comes right up.
So then we read it and right away recognize the significance, and we break down in tears. I present it here (slightly abbreviated, but it’s pretty much how we received it that day). When you, dear reader, read this, try to put yourself into the context we were in at that moment, and you will understand:
“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. [...] But all these stars are silent. You, though, will have stars like nobody else. […] In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night […] You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! […] And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be glad that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window just for the fun of it [...] laughing while you’re looking at the sky. […] It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that know how to laugh”
Heather’s star: a message of hope
I mean, we all were struck because it was so fitting, so fitting, in this situation. It’s a poem about saying good-byes. About never seeing each other again. About being apart. Yet, it is also a poem about hope, about that we can gaze up at some star, or all the stars, and here is our loved one, and – once time heals all sorrow (because that is what time does) – that at one time, we can laugh, laugh together, and thus be together again. It’s a poem about being together while separated beyond time and space.
And it made us cry, I mean we cried so hard, we cried our eyes out… Even today, when I wrote this, it made me choke up severely. Yet, once we get past the pain, the message is clear: “I am still here.”
And that was the message we got from Heather in that moment, that was the message SHE WANTED US TO GET: I may be far, I may be gone, but I am still here with you, available to you, so don’t cry, but laugh with me – once time heals your wounds.
It was clear that this was tied to this little star I had found earlier in the morning, that little star that came off Heather’s garland, that is, “Heather’s star.” Finding that star was actually very important, because it had prepped me to look out for something tied to a star. If I had not found it, or given it significance, I would have missed this poem all together, as in the park I did not understand it all. The meaning would have been lost.
But since I was prepped, I was able to receive the message and its deep significance for us. We knew, “she's in heaven, she gave us a message that she is still here, she is!, she is a star now, and she is looking down at us.”
Now, maybe I need to clarify that when I say “she is a star,” I don't mean that we really believe she literally is a physical star! Clearly, it’s a metaphor. If you read some of my other posts, you know that I believe we are all interconnected, and to me it really means that she is still with us, within us, she is shining brightly within us as an inner star, as we do within her, forever united as one.
(As a side note, I should mention that on that very same evening I received another strong message from Heather. Before falling asleep, it was the first time I heard Heather’s distinct voice in my head, I have mentioned it in other posts. Because of that event, I started to listen to my inner voices intently).
And I thought “so that’s this, we are done with the star now.” Well, the next day, of course, we see stars everywhere. Maybe it’s not surprising, because a star is a very common symbol. There was the star in the elevator that represented the ground floor, and it now stood out to us all. Then, later that day, as we walked out of a building my brother-in-law says “Look!”, and there, stuck on the sidewalk was a children’s Band-Aid with 3 stars on it, which is interesting because we were three persons at that moment, so this was a nice touch.
After those events I thought that this was it for sure with the star, that it had run its course and fulfilled its purpose in that we got the message from Heather: She is still here in other form.
But it was not the end, and the story goes on and gets even stranger. It only took its time to continue…
Heather’s real star in the heavens
By now it is roughly half a year later, July of 2018, and for our vacation we fly out to my wife's hometown in the Mountain West to visit our relatives. And on one of these nice summer days we had a big cookout, a reunion event with all my wife’s relatives, oh, there must have been over 20 of us.
Before I go on, I should stress that none of our relatives knew about the story of the star. But at some time at the reunion they pull my wife to the side and say, “Look, we got something here for you we wanted to give you.” So everybody gathers around, and here come the younger “kids,” by which I mean Heather’s cousins who are all about the same age as her, and present to my wife a flat, wrapped gift.
She opens it up, and it is a framed certificate saying that Heather is now officially a star! A star, mind you!
Or rather I should say, that a particular star in the night sky has been named after her, and that name has been registered with some central agency in Switzerland. That particular star has real coordinates, and is located in the star system of Pegasus – the winged horse. Thus, in the heavens in the configuration of Pegasus, there is a star that now bears Heather’s name!
So OK, before I go on, I admit that I am not entirely certain if any agency really has the authority to officially name a star. So let’s just leave the legitimacy out of this. But to us it really does not matter. Instead, what matters to us is that these young relatives thought of Heather, and came up with this idea of the star -- unaware of what happened half a year earlier! -- and went through the trouble to have Heather’s name registered to be a star.
Thus, for all of us, up there in Pegasus there now is a star that bears Heather’s name. For us, Heather is now a star in the sky (again, metaphorically)! JUST LIKE IT SAID in that poem of the Little Prince: "In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing."
After my wife received this certificate, I shared with our relatives what happened half a year earlier and read that poem from “The Little Prince,” and of course, everybody cried.
It's all connected
All this now ties these three seemingly unconnected events together, all centered around “the star.” There now is a star in the heavens named after Heather, which is tied to her friend reading that poem about the star, and to me picking up that tiny star that same morning and knowing that there is something special to come! And who knows, since I am now writing and you are reading this, maybe the story continues and something else will come of this? It all ties together now...
Likewise, one might say, these later events cast a ripple effect backwards in time, which I somehow picked up on that morning when I found the little star -- for how else could I have picked up the significance? Coincidence? I don’t think so. As stated in other parts, I believe that time is much stronger connected in all directions than we believe (in fact, time is holographic ).
But enough talk about time; if you are interested, there are many other posts here on this blog on this and related topics.
The important thing here is the strong message of hope!
To us, it was as if Heather tried to let us know, somehow, that she is still there. It came through the metaphor that “she is a star in heaven,” which we can look at, and that one day, when time has healed all wounds (because that is what time does), we will be able to look at the sky and be with her, and laugh, and have all the other stars be little bells that know how to laugh. She does not want us to cry, but wants us to laugh with her: to know, it’s all well.
It now is almost two years after Heather’s death. And things have gotten easier in some ways, yet remain hard. I know she is with us, I have felt her many times, I’ve written several posts about it; but the moment where we can look up at the stars and laugh has not come yet, especially for my wife. But it helped me to write these words and sentences here, which remind me once more of her message, a message which I had almost forgotten. I remembered “that she is a star,” but had forgotten the message itself which she was trying to send: it’s OK, I am here, laugh with me.
And just as it says in “The Little Price” at some other place, in order to see something you have to sometimes not look with your eyes, but with your heart.
So tonight, I will look up at the stars, at Heather’s star and all the stars in general, and not just look with my eyes but also with my heart, and laugh – with her.
But before I leave, I have one more little star story. This happened earlier this year in April, so again long after the incident with the certificate. As described in detail in this post, I was in a restaurant and a song came on and it just drew me in, I had heard it often before but never really listened to the lyrics, but that morning I just had to listen to it, really listen, I mean it just drew me in and I put everything down and I had to listen. The song was "High -- beautiful dawn" by James Blunt. And it shook me, again, because it all just fit so well, the situation that morning and the other events with the star, because here in that song was the star again, and it pulled me in, into that song, making me listen. I'll end this post with a sample from the lyrics, you can read the whole story here. It all ties back to the star.
But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me
Beautiful dawn (beautiful dawn)- melt with the stars again
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?
(Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9LopyqdzIw )
Namaste — I bow to you and the Divine in you.
Copyright © Hanns-Oskar Porr