I dedicate this site to the memory of my stepdaughter, Heather, who was murdered on Thanksgiving 2017. I want to chronicle some of the events and spiritual insights that happened. It is my hope that this may help some other souls who stumble upon this site. Maybe some good can come off this after all (read more here).  ~ May 2018

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Part 1: Choosing bad things to happen (murder, accidents, illness), or why do bad things happen to good people?

I write this post for anybody who has a tragic loss to deal with.  I am the kin of a murder victim, but much of this may apply to other tragic events, such as severe illness, accidents, and maybe even suicide.   

This is part 1 of a three part series.

We all touch upon tragedy sooner or later.  Some tragedies affect a small group, like the death of a loved one; in our case, the murder of my stepdaughter, Heather.

Others are shared by millions and shock whole communities or nations, like the murder of JFK, 9/11, and all the mass shootings, such as Sandy Hook, Las Vegas, Parkland, Orlando Pulse...   In our case, the Orlando Pulse shooting (49 people) happened just about a mile a mile from where we used to live, so I know the sense of loss in the community. And then there was Sandy Hook; to this day, I remain deeply affected by the loss of those 20 young souls.

We all have moments where we scream ‘why?’  Why did this happen to him or her?  And why did this happen to me, or us, the community, the survivors?

I admit, this series of articles has been very hard for me to write, and come to grasp with.

I don’t claim to have the answers, and this is only my own feeble attempt of making sense of the senseless.  In my own struggle, it did help me to see things from another viewpoint, from where one can see a tiny spark of meaning again.  So it has some pragmatic value.  I hope that if it helped me, even just a bit, it may help you, too.

Choosing bad things to happen?

In the text that follows, there are certain assumptions that I have written about before, and if you are new to this, some of these may seem quite different to you, such the ideas of a greater soul, counterparts, and alternate/probable realities.  So just read it with an open mind; and if you need to, substitute the ideas that seem too far out there with others you can relate to.

Here is the central point in all this:  

So it all comes down to our choice, and free will.  

And if so, then we have to allow for the most puzzling notion: that we somehow choose bad things to happen to us.  Clearly, if it was only up to us, meaning whatever we normally think of as our conscious self, that would never be possible: nobody in their “right mind” would choose something bad to happen to them. But maybe there is more to the story…

Another way to ask this would be: why do bad things happen to good people?

How can that be?  

Interlife: the soul planned this as a challenge

I will first describe a view from the “interlife" literature (also called “life between life”), to which I only partially subscribe any more.

In this view, before we incarnate, we stack the probabilities for our lives so that we will have a high chance of encountering certain life challenges from which we can learn.  Still, at every moment we have free choice, so the resolution to these challenges comes through our own free will.

Now, I can see that a successfully resolved challenge will make us grow, as a person or soul.  But how does that apply to being murdered, or a life-ending accident or disease?  

The interlife literature suggests that from a soul’s perspective, the end of the life has little consequences.  There is only a handful of ways how we can exit a life:  old age, illness, accident, murder, and suicide, and only suicide is not seen as a proper choice by the greater soul.  Some deaths, so states the literature, are even planned for as a potential exit strategy from life, which we may choose to take if we have learned enough.  Now, if it was all up to us in 3D, most of us would pick old age, I guess. But the point they make here is that from a soul perspective, once the lesson is learned, why stick around longer, if instead you can return to your “true home”?   

I have to say, I am still struggling with this.  

DeMarco and TGU’s take on this

So a few weeks ago, I reached out to author Frank DeMarco, who (for lack of better words) is able to channel connected spirits through a process called “Intuitive linked communication.” Below are parts of my question to him and the subsequent answer “from beyond,” that is, from TGU or “The Guys Upstairs” as Frank calls them humorously.  You can read the full exchange here on Frank’s website.  

I ask:  “So here is a question to TGU/Rita, which I think would help a lot of people in a similar situation, that is, the kin and friends of people who were murdered: does somebody who is murdered choose to be murdered?  Is it part of any greater plan (call it a life-plan, probabilities, test, an exit strategy, etc.)?  And here is the important one:  if it is a choice, is it always a choice or are there also freak accidents?”

The answer from TGU, not surprisingly, is quite cryptic. It implies to see our reality more like a dream, where the foundation is not as set and the ground can shift:

TGU: "… looking at life more as a dream than as a staged event will bring you closer intuitively to the reality."

Frank and TGU always try to make you see things from different viewpoints, which I greatly appreciate.  I have to admit, TGU’s answer gave me lot’s to think about. Just like in  a dream, logic did not always help, and I had to sort of feel myself into TGU’s answer. In parts 2 and 3, I try to lay down what I came up with.  

Continue to part 2, where I look at the role of choice for the victim, murderer, and survivors.

Namaste — I bow to you and the Divine in you.

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