I dedicate this site to the memory of my stepdaughter, Heather, who was murdered on Thanksgiving 2017. I want to chronicle some of the events and spiritual insights that happened. It is my hope that this may help some other souls who stumble upon this site. Maybe some good can come off this after all (read more here).  ~ May 2018

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Part 2: Choosing bad things to happen: victims, murderers, and survivors

This is the continuation of a previous article, part 2 of a three part series, on why bad things happen to good people, such as murder, accidents, severe illness, and suicide.  

Please read part 1 here.

The basic premise is that there is no fate or predestination, and that at all moments we have choice and free will.  

If so, then why in the world would somebody choose to be murdered? Or have an accident, a terminal illness?

Choice versus decisions

Before I go on, you need to learn a very important distinction:   there is a difference between a decision and a choice.  I wrote in length about this in my book “The Steps of Essence,” because choosing is a key concept in it.  Here is the super short version:

  • A decision is rational: you can give a reason for it based on some thought system.
  • With a choice, you can no longer give a reason. Your total being chooses: it expresses the totality that you are.

In order to make a true choice, there has to be a balance, devoid of any rational thought, where the total being can choose.

So let’s go on.

In the case of murder, these people are affected:

  1. the victim.
  2. the murderer,
  3. the surviving friends and kin of both victim and murderer.

In the case of illness or accident, there would be no killer per se; with suicide, victim and murderer are merged – so the same thoughts below apply as well with slight modifications.

If everything is based on choice, then each of these people must have made a choice that brought them up to the tragic event; otherwise they would not have experienced it.  

From our perspective, each such choice seems inconceivable.

We will look at each in turn, and try to gain some insights from them.

Choice, for the murderer

I will start with the murderer, which I have to admit, is the one I least understand.   

Murder (and suicide) is different from all other deaths because it is a conscious act directed against one specific person, or several persons.  This is different than, say, a fatal accident where one might think there was chance or “bad luck” involved (which may not be the case).

With murder, there is a conscious thought before the action: “I will consciously take the life of that person or persons, because of XYZ,” where XYZ is based on some rational or irrational way of thinking (unless emotions ran so high as to drown out any thoughts; at that point, it is a purely animalistic act).

So it’s a decision.  But the premise is that “We choose everything.” So where is the choice here?

I struggle with this, but I do see a few moments in time where a choice must have been made. Potentially, it is at that very last split-second:  “Do I really choose to pull the trigger or not?”  Or maybe it was at some earlier time where the killer chose to be capable of such a horrendous act.  So you can say that somewhere, sometime, there is a choice!  Why the killer chose that, I will leave open for now. But I think some of the other arguments presented below will apply here as well, because everything is connected.

Now, there is a reason why I wrote about the murderer first.  Because I realize that for some readers all that talk about free will is hard to believe.

Many might say something like “It was just a freak accident, brought on by the killer’s thinking or emotional state. It’s highly unfortunate, but that’s all there is to it.”  

But you see, even in this way of thinking, the killer is the pivotal point.

So let’s assume that there was a moment of choice for the killer where it could have gone either way, possibly long ago in the past, and I think most people are willing to concede that, then the whole thing does still come down to a choice, maybe just that once choice of the killer. Yet, the question remains, why would that choice be made?

So it remains the same: all paths are still linked to choice.

Choice for the victim

And the person most tied to choice is the victim.

Why do bad things happen to good people?  Or, why would Heather choose to be murdered?  The former you can argue about with fate or chance or bad luck.  The later implies active involvement. And that seems to me the most absurd statement possible, because she loved life so much.  

But, if the statement “everything is a choice” is indeed correct, then this version(!) of Heather did choose this.

How can this be?

So the easy answer is: she just did not know. This is the same, again, as saying it all was just a freak accident.  Unfortunately, she chose to go to that place, and unknowingly to her, it then happened.

But I think there may be more to it.  And since any rational thought of hers would have clearly not allowed for this, something else might be going on.  

The total being chooses

Now bear in mind the distinction from above: with a choice the total being chooses. And then remember that our 3D consciousness is only the tip of an iceberg. Our total being, to which we are always connected, includes infinitely many parts beyond 3D, in what we call All-D (termed after DeMarco). These connected parts may include the soul, spirit, our oversoul, past/parallel lives, counterpart lives, and whatnot.

If you have trouble believing this, just try to see that there is something beyond the physical that we are tied to – a view that all but the most astute materialists can probably agree with.

So in any given choice, that unseen part of us can weigh in as well.  

Reality is like a dream, where the ground can shift

That is what I think is meant by TGU’s answer above (in part1), about reality is more like dreaming, and not having a stable ground:  it is not only our 3D mind making rational decisions, but since our 3D being is continually connected with its parts in All-D, all these weigh in as well.

Plus, we live in a world shared by all, connected to all, so these influences come in as well. Everything is connected!

And thereby, the ground can shift.  What does that mean?  It’s when we think we stand on firm ground, that is, have a firm understanding, but then new information or influences become available, and we have to re-ascertain all previous assumptions and beliefs. Then we have to choose once more, and that may include replacing believes we were certain about before.  That’s what it means when the ground is shifting…

In our lives, the ground is always shifting – new insights and influences are brought in not just form our conscious 3D lives, but “subconsciously” from our All-D parts as well.  And with every change of viewpoint, you see a thing from a different angle – just like we do in a dream.  So everything is much more fluent that we tend to believe.

Our All-D parts also have a viewpoint from “higher” dimensions than we do.  Just like we in 3D can look down on a 2D sheet of paper and see it all at once, our All-D parts can see all of space and time (and their alternate realities) at once.  And thereby, they can see the effects of any given choice.  So our All-D parts know that if you take path A, THIS will happen in due time (murder, accident, suicide, etc.); if you take path B, THAT will happen.  

Now, of course, from our 3D viewpoint, Path A has tremendous consequence, that is, death. But if indeed some other version of us does take the other path B in some other probable reality, then from the All-D viewpoint of the greater soul all choices are the same, because the greater soul will get to experience all possible outcomes! 

Do I buy this?  I still struggle greatly with this on so many levels.  I struggle coming to terms with this, with all its implications, with my 3D viewpoint. I struggle with Heather’s “choice.”  And I struggle even more with Sandy Hook.  Why would the soul of a small child choose this?  At that age, a soul returns unfinished.  However, remember that in this way of seeing things, this is only one of many probable lives of that child: in other probable version, some counterpart does go on to live a long, happy and productive life. 

But in this, our shared reality, they are gone, and we suffer. And that may be another clue.

The word “victim” was originally tied to sacrifice

Having said that, I often like to look at the origin of a word (“etymology”) to gain a different perspective. Above I used the word “victim”, but that word really bothered me, so I went to look up the original meaning of that word.  

Today we understand “victim” to mean somebody who was unjustified hurt or injured.  But historically, that meaning only came about later.

The original meaning of the word “victim” is a "living creature killed and offered as a sacrifice to a deity or supernatural power, or in the performance of a religious rite.”   Thus, the word “victim” was originally tied to “sacrifice”,  and “sacrifice” itself originally meant  “to do sacred rites.”  (Sources: www.etymonline.com/word/victim www.etymonline.com/word/sacrifice)

Everytime I read that, I find this insight starteling,

Now, we are starting to see a different perspective:

  • From the viewpoint of the 3D person, from our lives down here, the victim, all of it looks like a horrible unjust accident.
  • But given this new understanding, from the All-D perspective of the soul and oversoul, there may be a gander design behind it, for which that person was willing to choose to sacrificed him/herself.

In Christian belief, the ultimate example of this would be Jesus, who gave his Life willingly so that Sin can be taken from God’s children.  This is an extreme example. But the point here would be that any soul who walks a path of trial also does so for a grander purpose.

So, let’s stay with this: if a person being murdered sacrifices him or herself, then for what reason?  One was already mentioned:  the person’s grander soul gets to experience this harsh aspect of life. But there may be other reasons.

Choice, for the survivors

And this brings us back to us, the survivors, the friends and kin of the victim (and of the murderer), and the emotional struggles that we have to go through, and live with for the rest of our lives.  

Let’s say, there also was some point of choice for us:  do I take path C where Heather is murdered, or do I take path D where she is alive?  

Why would I, at least this version of me, choose the hard path?  

Again, the simple answer would be:  it was just an unfortunate freak accident. You just did not know what was going to happen, so you simply chose path C and “bad things happened.”

But I think, again, there may be more to.

Clearly, this is not what I wanted consciously. Just as in the case of the victim, when it was time to choose, there must have been something in me that made choosing the hard path possible.  It can only be that my complete being, both 3D and All-D, allowed for that tragic choice.

Now if you allow for probable selves and counterparts, at every moment of choosing, another part of us branches off and lives that other path.  From the All-D perspective then, one version of me goes along path C, the other goes along D, and the soul gets to experience both versions.   

(If that is too far out there for you, just stay with the notion that we made a tough choice).

All paths have value for All-D; and the hard path has special value:  It teaches our “higher” parts the lived experience of dealing with such a tragedy.

Now, remember that our soul is forged in the process of living. The soul is not a unit, but is made up out of many sub-strands, and it is through the process of living that we forge a united and unique viewpoint onto life and the whole.  One of the goals of living is to work through all this conflict and come out with a functional way of dealing with it.  

If we succeed in doing this, a new soul template or strand is formed that can be used by whatever higher structures there may be (oversoul, Higher Self, "Sam," entities, whatever) to form other new souls – and maybe those will be souls that are able to deal with such tragedies.

As stated continally, I struggle with all this. In part 3, I will try to pull it all together.

Please continue to part 3 for a possible resolution.

Namaste — I bow to you and the Divine in you.

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