I dedicate this site to the memory of my stepdaughter, Heather, who was murdered on Thanksgiving 2017. I want to chronicle some of the events and spiritual insights that happened. It is my hope that this may help some other souls who stumble upon this site. Maybe some good can come off this after all (read more here).  ~ May 2018

TCB: On Grieving: How spirituality and Love help to heal the emptiness

Grieving: How Spirituality and Love help to heal the emptiness

6/10/2019  10:26 a.m.  (Pentecost Monday, a holiday)

Hanns (H):  OK, so it’s later than normal.  Slept in, really late.  Now maybe too late, as too much sleep isn’t good either.  Right?

The Club beyond Time and Space (TCB):  Right.

H: So yesterday I typed in the post from 6/2 on spirituality. Should we continue on this?
TCB:  If you want to.

H: So how about the case after death?  When we feel grief?  How does spirituality help us there?

TCB: Well, grief is a different emotion. It is perceiving the hole left behind when a loved one leaves you. Like a part of you is ripped out, and you stare at a hole inside of you.

Spirituality does not really help here, as that hole is going to be there no matter what. Spirituality is knowing the loved one is there, really knowing, just in another form, so it helps in many ways, but this hole that is now ripped open is because you miss that person.  It is the strongest expression of love, because the object of love is no longer available.

So the way to heal that hole is more through love than through spirituality.  Do you see the difference?

H: But does spirituality not bridge the gap?  Merge two things back into a whole?

TCB:  Yes, of course, but more so between two things that are occurant. With grief, it is the absence of the occurant in a whole.

So you have to be with this absence.  You were a whole before, you and the loved one, and now a hole is ripped into this whole.  

It is not to “mend” a gap between the two occurances, but a hole within yourself.  So spirituality can let you know that person is still there, in another form, but your being yearns for him or her, and that yearning is a desire to be with him/her. So the gap is rally coming from within yourself. Not perceiving an external condition, like here is another person, let’s merge with him/her, but from within your inner space.

You see, it kind of is the same:  you notice something other, only within yourself:  an absence. And in that absence, you feel pain.  Deep pain.  Grief.  Grief means heavy, right?  It weighs on you.

Now, spirituality can lift you back up, act as a counter weight, so to speak:  that person is still here – but you realize that in this life that person will not be available to you as before. So even though spirituality offsets some of that, there is that hole in wholeness.  

And that hole is only healed by time and love.

H:  I get the time part:  time heals all wounds.  But love?

TCB:  Time heals all wounds, a hole cut into you.
Healing:  flesh grows back together organically.
Coming together:  that is Love. 

Love is the only emotion that unites ( love and its descendants ).  So love heals that wound.  Spirituality reunites in a higher sense:  he/she is there, but this hole here has to heal on its own.

Remember the post you wrote on sunyata: seeding emptiness.*

*[Sunyata is the Buddhist concept that all is emptiness; however not to be taken like a void, but a womb brimming with potential]

The hole is that emptiness, but it gives you an emptiness to grow something within.  Place love inside of it, remember the loved one lovingly, and let it fill up the space.

If you place of seed of despair in it, it will grow.
If hate, it will grow.
And keep splitting you.
But only love has the power to heal, to bring back together within.

To heal once meant “whole,” so you must heal that wound ripped open by death, and the best way is through loving.  Loving remembrance.  Being with that person in spirit – this is where spirituality comes in, but lovingly.

And healing can take place.  Yet, to heal typically takes time. But overall that is the process.

H:  So concretely, what can one do?

TCB:  Send love.
That will be hard initially when the pain is overwhelming. But given some time, some more “normalcy” if that word is permitted, start sending love.  Be with that person, spiritually, and send love.  And you will receive love back.  Because the process goes both ways.  [Through] spirituality, you know the person is still there, and can and will return that love.  And let that love fill the void, that emptiness, and thereby let it heal.

H:  That was said beautifully.
TCB: Glad you like it.  Maybe it will help [B. and] others.

H: Thank you.  Let’s stop.
TCB: Sometimes sleeping in is not a bad thing.

H: Yes. Love!  [as in good-bye]
TCB:  There you go. Love!

Namaste — I bow to you and the Divine in you.
~Hanns

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