Imagining a talk with my stepdaughter, who was murdered over two years ago, on the day that would have been her birthday.
4/5/2020 8:20 a.m. Sunday
Sitting outside, it’s warmer today, finally no longer freezing cold in the morning. Yesterday was a beautiful day, sunny and in the seventies. Today will be, too.
Now, birds all around me, here comes one hopping along, a little female black bird, which has been building a nest in the yard. Funny how they don’t mind me sitting here, comes so close. Yesterday, the couple came swooping in as I sat here, the male had a nice fat worm in its beak, but did not want to share it with her, and ruffled his feathers. I guess, that’s where we got that expression from in yesterday’s talk, “feathers were ruffled.” :)
Any rate, not sure what to talk about here.
Today would have been Heather’s birthday. Maybe talk about that? Let me try….
Heather, are you still here?
Heather's voice: I am always here. Just imagine my voice and make it real that way. What do you want to know?
What don’t I want to know? Mom of course – how to help her.
I am always with her. With you all. Trying to support her. Of course, she has gotten better, it’s not as bad for her as when I first died. But I always have my loving hand on her.
I don’t know if I can post this.
Let’s just talk, decide later.
OK, so coronavirus. Are there variants of you that go through it right now?
Of course there are. Some are OK, some are not.
The other day, I had a thought, that maybe the variants that suffer are interacting with all the others, including you back then, and that contributed to you getting murdered, that is, deciding to turn the car around, and so on…
[meaning, that the murder was a potential exit door, which avoided her suffering right now]
Well, yes and no. That decision was certainly a conscious one. However, as are all decisions, various things feed into it subconsciously, including from “my Club” – I got one, too, a different one than yours, although they are related, he he. So, of course, it was a part of that, as are ALL variants, because they all intersperse .
Yes, mutually arising, and condition each other.
As did my murder with my other variants, they become, or rather some become, more careful because of it.
But that is after the fact [meaning, in the variant branches that came after the murder in time’s progression].
No, for others it had an effect at various stages of their lives. Just as my sick variants [from coronavirus] have an effect on others at various stages in their lives. And some variants never got Multiple Sclerosis, you see? That all exists, in all conditions. It’s kind of fun to see it all.
[thoughts drifting for a moment, re-reading] So YOU can see that?
Well, remember, we/I [all her variants] are part of an oversoul, and we thus ARE that oversoul, and from that point we can see it all. We can see it all unfolding, branching, coming together, the whole spectrum of my lives [the "reach of a life"]
Can you see ours, too? Mom’s?
Harder for me, as that is not directly “me.” There are membranes here as well. No matter, I should not tell you anything about your future. Best to just discover. And what could I tell you anyways? – there are so many variations.
OK, let’s back off then. Any special wishes for your birthday?
Just take good care of mom.
I always try to. OK, so “Happy Birthday” then?
You know, “up here” it does not matter.
Every moment can be my birthday.
We can just drift in and out to any moment.
We are in all moments.
It is not as linear compared to where you are.
But thank you no matter. It honors me/us when you think of me/us. [“us” being the totality of her lives].
So that’s a nice birthday present.
You know, I think of you often. So does mom.
Yes, but you do so in pain. “Oh, why did she have to die?”
That has a different quality to it than remembering me as I was, the times we spent together.
Well, those were not always the best of times.
Yeah, that’s what it was.
Often, I now recast these, thinking I could have done differently.
And all those variants did in fact exist, just not in our shared timeline, that is, yours right now.
That’s what it was. And that’s all. If it was not, it would be one of the countless other variants.
So, just think of me with more joy than sadness.
Sad thoughts send sad “vibes” – if that makes sense.
Joyful thoughts send joyful vibes.
And even though we don’t feel here as you, these “waves” do feed into us.
Sounds like you are making a judgment here as well? Sad being bad, the other good?
No! They are both “good” [equal] to us, just a different quality to them. For we and you are mom are all connected and sad thoughts ripple through this whole system.
So, allow me to help you helping us?
That’s one way of putting it. Yes.
OK. Not sure if I will post any of this.
Oh – just read it to mom.
I want her to be happy, or happier, and stay healthy in all of this [coronavirus] – that’s all I can say – for I always wanted her to be happy. That has not changed.
So just read it to her, and say “happy birthday.”
OK, I will. Sending love.
My, how times have changed – you. Laughing.
Smiling, too. Love and out.
Love, and love to mom. Out.
Namaste — I and the Divine in me bow to You and the Divine in You.
Copyright © Hanns-Oskar Porr